did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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