I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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