He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
