Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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