I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i dont even know how to be here
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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