Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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