That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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