I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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