he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
