I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
