We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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