life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I love having hate sex.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
