she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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