He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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