right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
