on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
