I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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