I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
