his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
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