apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Randomize
