Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
