Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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