they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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