your thong is hanging out like whoa
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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