yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
