Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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