no, he came in my armpit
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
