I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
