So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
