I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
