...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
