Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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