they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
