What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
