i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
