I just saw a hot homeless man
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
