FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
