everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize