I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
