his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
