I can feel you judging me through the phone.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
ugly people sure do ruin things
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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