Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
