I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
