I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
