Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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