Where are you?
In a non slutty way
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
