It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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