I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
