how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize