Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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