And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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