I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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