man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
