I just made out with a guy for $7.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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