So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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