i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
do nipples grow back?
Randomize