i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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