So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
third nipple confirmed
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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