I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
