My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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