why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You dont lie about slip and slides
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
