have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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