today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
