i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
