I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
is it fun? or sober?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
