The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Randomize
