I wannas sexs uuuuu
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
