lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
