i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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