i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
