dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
