I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
