I feel great
I just peed on a car
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
