I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize