Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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