I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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