That's when you crack a 10am beer
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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