there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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