My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
