When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
