i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
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