sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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