I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
