when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
