Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
