there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
one two three fourrrrnication!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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