i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
At least make sure they are 18
Why
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
