I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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