I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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