Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize