youre lurking in front of me
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
