I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
