After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
