I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
