Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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