It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
