He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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