barbara walters just said penis...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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