I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
