My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
