Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
