Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize