Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
