Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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