I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
