There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
