She's JV to your varsity
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Randomize
