I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
