if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
