There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize