I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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