I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize