The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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