I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We got so high we made milksteak
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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