Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
