as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
