he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize