On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
