Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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