My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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