a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
